Salt Lake City, Utah—Road House

Begun on February 28, 1874. 12th Ward

Emily Dow Partridge Young’s Journal

(in her own words)

June 23^rd – I was invited to tea at Sister Stains. There I met several friends; in the evening several spoke in tongues, so I complied, but I am not in favor of making much use of that gift. I would rather hear speaking in our own language. I think it the safest—the devil is apt to poke his nose in where there are tongues, especially among the inexperienced, and I do hope the sisters will be wise and not suffer themselves to get into a muddle, but seek those gifts that are most profitable to all. When we speak in our own tongue we know what we say, and if we speak in another tongue, we have to depend on someone else to tell us what we say. Yet the gift of tongues is one of the gifts of the Gospel, but should not be trifled with.

June 27^th – Today is the anniversary of one of the most sorrowful days in the world, . . .thirty years ago today was committed one of the blackest crimes known in the whole world’s record. Two innocent men were murdered in the Carthage jail. Our beloved Prophet and Patriarch were slain. Their blood still cries to be avenged. The nation still seeks to do the same acts over again. They are working to destroy our leaders today as they did those in the Carthage jail, but I pray God He will not suffer them to accomplish their wicked designs, but deliver this people out of the hands of their enemies, and avenge them of their wrongs. Spare Thy people, O Lord, help them to be united in Thy holy order, help them to keep all Thy commandments and live by every word that proceeds from Thy mouth that they may gain the victory, is my prayer. Amen.

Dec. 3^rd – Went to the Liberal Institute to hear Joseph Smith, the son of the Prophet, preach. He is not much like his father. Neither is his preaching. To me his words were as the sounding of brass and tinkling cymbals. I thought there a little of good Lord and good devil in his remarks and the audience, how shall I describe them? Certainly I never was in such a congregation before. Their countenance was not as fair as the sun or clear as the moon. I felt quite unpleasant. A feeling came over me as soon as I entered the door of unprotection, and as I sat under the gallery, I looked up several times to see if the house was likely to fall.

March 25^th – Sunday. I have commenced again to keep the Word of Wisdom. I believe what the Lord has said, that it will be for our benefit and that we ought to be more careful to observe it, and not set a bad example before our children, for as they see us do, they will be very apt to do also. We should teach them by good example as well as precept, although I fear there are too many that neglect even that. I was talking with a lady not long ago who said her children did not care much for religion. She had so much work to do when they were young, she had no time to instruct them, and now they are grown and it is hard to impress upon their minds the principles of the true and everlasting gospel. This should not be, especially mothers should not be overworked. Yet if this cannot be avoided, the minds of the children should not be neglected. Better let them go ragged and dirty or even a little hungry, if something must be left undone.

I realize that mothers have arduous work. Her task is hard, more so than many realize. Unless they are mothers they cannot understand the constant anxiety of raising a family. The labors and the thousands of steps, and little acts and sleepless nights that fill up her time or existence. But few think of these things, but some make greater slaves of themselves than they really need to. They spend a great deal of time making flunedicles and super fluetics, they wish to show as much taste in the arrangement of their work as anybody, and wear themselves out needlessly instead of cultivating the minds of their children.

But I will return to the subject first introduced. It will bear much contemplation. The Lord never reveals to his children or requires anything at their hands that they cannot do, or that will not be beneficial, and if we are willing to receive and live in accordance with His word that He has given us, He will be more ready to give us more. Many think they could not live if they did not have their tea. Why not seek after faith and ask God to help them, for much depends on faith and obedience in gaining the blessings. We all desire the blessings and should be willing to do a little toward earning them. The Lord knows best what is for our good and will lead and guide us aright, and we need have no fear that he will do anything to the contrary. And I feel, for one, to put my whole trust in Him. He has blessed me with His holy spirit, and opened my understanding, that I might know of things that are and that are to be.

April 17^th – The past few years I have been sick a great deal and consequently have spent a great many sleepless nights, and at such times have contemplated the different subjects pertaining to the principles of truth. And the Lord has inspired my heart and shown me some things that I never thought of which make plain many of his sayings that were all a mystery before.

The first subject that my mind rested upon of late years was the Deseret alphabet, and it was shown so plain that I knew it was by the spirit of inspiration. I have written it down in another place, and I hope I shall have the opportunity to assist in arranging a spelling book according to the original pattern for the mode of spelling, which, at the present time, is worse than folly. It takes a lifetime to learn the art of spelling, and then we don’t know how to spell one half the words in the English language. The only difference in spelling and pronouncing is that one should be spoken slowly, and the other quickly.

There is another subject that has been made plain to my mind. It is faith and it is a subject of great importance. We have read and heard a great deal on that principle, but I fear but few properly understand it. Faith is not an independent principle. It takes three things to inspire faith. You will find what they are by reading the lectures of faith in the Doctrine and Covenants. There is so little difference in faith and knowledge that people cannot tell one from the other. They go hand in hand, and we often say, “We know” when it is only faith. For knowledge is facts demonstrated, and faith is facts not demonstrated. I will give an illustration as it was shown to me.

“Ten men started on a journey to seek their fortunes. They came to a city with very beautiful buildings. One in particular was more elegant and grand than anything they had ever seen. The intelligence that God had given them showed plainly that the house had never been placed there by chance, but that an intelligent being had planned and directed the work that their eyes beheld. And they desired to be instructed in the art of building, and sought out the man and desired that he would impart his knowledge to them. He consented to do so, but would require them to enter into a covenant with him that they would follow his instruction implicitly, and he would covenant with them that he would impart all the knowledge he possessed and make them as perfect in the art of building as he was himself. They began and all went smoothly while the work was easy, but when it began to be a little harder, one began to murmur and say that this was not needful and soon lost his faith in the teacher and would not obey the rules, and finally left altogether. And as they advanced, one and another would get dissatisfied and complain of the hard labor and the difficult tasks that were required of them, and they would leave. And so on until there was but one left to finish his education and complete his knowledge. And when he had done so, the master congratulated him on his faithfulness and gave him power to become his son for now he was equal with him and was an independent being, having obtained through faith and obedience all the knowledge that was requisite to form a structure equal to any that was in existence. Hence his faith that was hitherto centered in his teacher was now centered in himself, which faith was perfect even unto doing the work he had seen his master do without any further instructions. Now this is the faith which will move mountains and organize worlds, and govern and regulate them after they are created.

This will show us our position and the relation we have to our Heavenly Father if we will be faithful to our covenants, and yield obedience to all of God’s requirements. He will perform his part, and take us through to the end, and exalt us equally with Himself. That is His design with all the intelligence or workmanship of His hands as he is no respecter of persons. We can see by the foregoing that all had the same chance, all received the same instructions, but through disobedience and discontent, they lost their position, and did not gain the exaltation they desired. Therefore, let us persevere and let nothing hinder us for it is everyone’s privilege to gain an exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom, and it cannot be obtained in any other way, only through obedience.

I have said in the beginning of this piece that faith is not an independent principle because there are certain things necessary to inspire faith. We must have some idea of the existence of a God in order to have faith in Him. We must know of His truthfulness in order to believe His word. If we desire to accomplish an objective, and we don’t know how to do it, we can have no faith in ourselves. But believing that God has the knowledge, and understanding His character, we can ask Him in faith, believing that He will give us the proper instructions, which we follow and in time, gain the objective desired. But if we deviate from those instructions, we fail to accomplish our desires. So we see the necessity of putting faith and works together, and the works should be of the right kind too, or it will profit us nothing.

April 18^th – Our enemies in this place met together last Saturday in order to give vent to the venom that was pent up in their hearts. They seem to be very angry because the Mormons still live, and although they have been at work to be rid of us for years, they have accomplished nothing. Their speeches savored of mobocracy and bloodshed. Baskin said “If we cannot get appropriate legislation on the subject of the Mormons, it will be done at the point of the bayonet and blood will flow.” And Rane said that they would be able to take that eagle down before long that stands above Bro. Young’s gate. Now what that eagle has done that makes him want it so bad is more than I can imagine.

April 29^th – We all believe that God created the souls of mankind, now the question arises in my mind, did He organize our souls out of raw material, bringing them into form, as a child does mud babies, or does He prepare the material, having it weighed, or measured, working from a scientific plan? And if God is the God of order, he is also the God of nature. He understands the laws of nature and being a higher power, He governs and controls the same, all within the perfect plan. He has one plan of preparing the material, one plan of organizing souls, hence all must be alike, or in other words, giving them the same attributes, the same qualities and the same quantity which he bestows upon His creatures, according to His great wisdom.

Now after organizing souls, He gives them their (free) agency, and makes them accountable beings, capable of doing good and evil, which they must choose for themselves. But as they have had no experience, they are as apt to choose the evil as the good. But after doing wrong and suffering the consequences that naturally follow, they have taken one step in knowledge and are better prepared to discern between right and wrong. And as everything is known by its opposite, a great amount of experience is necessary and a great amount of suffering, before souls can be made perfect. And as the Lord gives them but little, he requires but little, but as their existence rolls on and they grow and increase in knowledge, more is required at their hands, and as they are faithful over the little they have received, God bestows upon them other gifts and graces. But if they are slack and abuse the gifts they have received, they lose instead of gaining, hence the great difference that we see existing among mankind.

The Lord says He is no respecter of persons, and we can see the truth of this saying, as all are created after the same plan, possessing the same attributes, all weighed in the same balance, and all receive the same instruction and care from their maker. And it rests entirely upon themselves whether they improve or not, and if they do not, they have nobody to blame but themselves. For God is just and is as willing to bless one, in doing the works of righteousness, as another. His design in their creation is to exalt them to be Gods, to become equal with Himself. He has given them all the attributes necessary to begin with, and He will add to them, here a little and there a little, according to their faithfulness.

The work of procreation is the same all over the world, among all classes and all species, from mankind to the smallest animal. It has been the same from the days of Adam down to the present time. Whether in the spirit world or the temporal world, the plan is the same, and I doubt if male and female constitutes a whole, and neither can be dispensed within propagating the different specie, whether in the animal kingdom or the vegetable kingdom. Whatever is capable of producing its own likeness, observing the laws of sex, which are the laws of nature and also God’s laws. It is the perfect knowledge of nature and the science of cause and effect that gives God His power.

The power to produce our own specie in our own likeness is the greatest work allotted to God’s creatures. God’s work is one of progression, and its study is one of interest and usefulness, easy to be understood when we have the light of the Holy Spirit to inspire our minds and to open the eyes of our understanding to see truths as they actually exist. Truth is what we want, however strange it may be. Error, though it may appear beautiful, will never exalt us, will give us no power, nor add to our happiness. Then let us divert our minds of bigotry and suffer our hearts to become enlarged that there may be room to receive the beautiful truths of science, which are God’s plans, or laws, by which He works, and control all that belongs to Him, both in Heaven and on this earth. This is exaltation—to learn nature’s laws, to know how to create and how to govern in all things, nature produces all things and knowledge is power supreme.

May 24^th – I feel impressed to write a few words on scandal, which I hope will not be amiss. It seems to be prevalent among saints, as well as sinners, to speak evil of one another, and the questions arise in my mind as to why that is so. Why do we take pleasure in circulating evil reports about our fellow creatures? Can we not enjoy life while we see others happy? Does their happiness or good reputation hinder us from enjoying the same blessing? Why do we suffer envy to rise and rule over our better nature, and seek to destroy the character of a brother or sister? If they have weaknesses, are we free from faults? Are we not the children of one and the same Heavenly Father and striving to reach the same heaven, the same glory, and the same exaltation? Why do we seek continually to pull down and destroy the works of our maker? Is it not more noble to build up and spread peace and joy and comfort, and strengthen the hearts of those around us? Are they not human and susceptible of joy or sorrow? Why do we not observe the commandments of our Savior and put on charity as a mantle, and extend it to our neighbor.

The Revelations say, “Without charity our righteousness profiteth us nothing.” Charity covers a multitude of sins, and if the Lord, being perfect, can forgive us, how much more necessary is it for us to forgive another and learn with each other’s weaknesses. We should observe the Golden Rule, and do as we would like to be done by. We have a promise that the measure we give out shall be measured back to us again. We may try to fool ourselves to the belief that evil is not in our hearts, and we may succeed in making others believe the same because of our smooth way of working, but the effect is the same. We should not smooth the brow with one hand and undermine with the other. People may not understand the working of both hands, but God sees all and knows the intent of the heart, and He will repay us in His own time. We may sail along with flying colors for a time, and feel secure in our courses, but the promise is sure and we will reap our reward.

Then let us examine our hearts before it is too late and cast from our minds all jealousies and envious feelings, and seek to build each other up and cease to magnify the faults of others, and speak the best that we can of all, comfort and console others, and prove ourselves worthy in every deed. In blessing others, we bless ourselves; and it is the only way to true happiness. There are none of us so very happy and independent that we can dispense with each others help and sympathy.

How much unhappiness is caused by evil speaking? How much suffering for the want of charity? How much evil is wrought under the cloak of friendship? An open avowed enemy is preferable to a smooth tongue, a deceitful friend. The first cannot do one-half the injury that the other can. We might say the Lord delivers us from such friends and we have not much to fear from our enemies. Slander should be done away with among those professing to be saints; it is an evil that few, if any, are exempt from. It creates prejudices and I believe it causes more trouble than anything else. It makes people feel as though they were guilty when they are not.

Now I would exhort my sisters to cease, or put away, this evil and not condemn in others what we justify ourselves in doing. Let us cultivate love toward each other and turn our attentions and our abilities to doing something useful, that we may earn a blessing instead of a cursing. It may be necessary that offences come, but “woe to them by whom they come.” These are the words of the Savior. Let us beware, there is enough good work to be done to keep all busy, and none need to infringe or crowd upon another. Our motto should be “Live and let live.” There should be happiness enough for all. There is no need of one’s trying to monopolize, stepping on somebody else in order to be the highest. We can never build ourselves up on others ruin; it must be done on true worth or not at all. Our Father in Heaven is just. He is no respecter of persons. One of His children is just as precious in His eyes as another, providing their works are as good. The innocent will eventually triumph and the guilty be punished. I hope these words will sink deep into the hearts of all that read them, for there is much need of a reformation in this respect.

The next morning after writing all this, the same foregoing verses appeared in the herald that express the sentiment so completely of what I have been trying to write, that I will cut them out and save them that they may be added to it.

May 27^th -Yesterday I attended the sisters meeting in the 14^th Ward. The main subject was Home Industry! I could not agree with all that was said. The sisters were urged to sustain home manufacture and to establish different kinds of business in order to give the poor saints coming into these valleys employment. The idea was carried and the remarks made that many suffered and some apostatized in consequence of this neglect in years gone by. Now I cannot think this correct. The people that first came to these valleys have had a great deal to contend with, more poverty and hardships to encounter than those coming after.

One woman had lately been heard to say she had but little money and she must make it go as far as she could. This was considered wrong. The questions arose in my mind, “Who knows that woman’s circumstances? Who knows that she was not justified?” Circumstances sometimes alter cases. Perhaps she took the wisest course. It is far better to know a case before we judge it. It is not good to create an iron bedstead to measure all by. It might fit some but not everybody. It is impossible for a person that has never had any children to fully understand and sympathize with the mothers. Now I have a great deal of charity for the sisters. I am a mother. I have had a family of little children. In days of poverty, I had to make a little go a great way, and we cannot always judge others by ourselves. I realize the necessity of doing all that is required of us as well as anybody, but I do not think God requires us to distress ourselves or our families. The labors of the sisters are arduous, and I would make it as easy for them as possible.

We all know with what ease a large amount of work can be done when the heart is light, and a little encouragement goes a long way in making our burden easier. I believe the majority of the sisters are worn out, their health and constitutions shattered because of the many hardships and privations they have endured in consequence of the persecution heaped upon the saints. Yet, they are willing to do all they can to build up the Kingdom of God. Some are poor and can do but little, but where little is given, little is required. All is acceptable with God if it is given in singleness of heart. We need mothers in Israel—women that can enter into the needs of women and children that understand their natures, that know by experience what women have to endure in all the different phases of life.

Woman’s first duty is to her children—charity begins at home. Let women fulfill their home duties first, then if they have any spare time, they can work for the public. But judging from experience, they will not have much time to spare. Yet there are many ways to help without neglecting our families. A word fitly spoken does a great deal of good. It binds up the broken heart, it soothes the troubled mind, it brings rest to the body and soul. And where is there a woman so strong and happy that she needs no sympathy, no encouragement, no help to bear her burdens? We all have needs, we are all more or less dependent on each other, and we should let the influence of sympathy radiate from our hearts, that all with whom we may be associated will receive a benefit. This will bring union of heart, peace of mind, love for one another that harshness and unkind words can never accomplish.

June 1^st – I was invited to dine at the Lion House a 3 o’clock. It was Bro. Young’s birthday. Seventy-six years old. Although my face had begun to swell with the erysipelas, I determined to go. When President Young saw my face, he told me to apply a poultice of charcoal and corn meal and water, or any substance that would form the charcoal into a poultice. After supper, or dinner, we sat around the table for some little time, listening to the gentlemen. Bro. Joseph Young related some incidents connected with his early life just before and after the infant Brigham’s birth.

Pres. Young made a remark suggested to his mind at seeing the flowers on the table before him. He said that the difference between the plants of this world and the spirit world was this: in the spirit world there were thousands of bright gems surrounding the plants seen by spiritual eyes that were not discernable to mortal eyes. He spoke of the power that Christ and the Gods had to become invisible, and having all power to do whatever they desired. After dinner he bid the company good-bye and left for Provo to hold meetings for two or three days. His health was poor, although he felt better than he had the two previous days. His countenance was pure and heavenly.

Bro. Young also said, in reply to Joseph Young’s question, what do resurrected beings eat? “They eat angels food.” We were all just as wise then as we were before, but it set me to thinking. Is not all that is on this earth typical of Heaven? Also, what is Heaven? The Lord made this earth and pronounced it good. If it was freed from sin and death, would it not be Heaven in every deed? Would not its beautiful luscious fruits be good enough for angels? I think, however, much may be perfected.

I would be satisfied with the good this world affords when the seeds of death are eradicated. I appreciate the works of God right here upon this earth, but we have become so corrupt, and all of God’s works have become so degenerated through sin that all our pleasures are mixed with pain, and we naturally look to another world for a fulness of joy. But if we could only realize that this earth, with all its pleasures and its beauties and glories, were made for man and when it has been made perfect, and its inhabitants become pure, who could ask or desire anything more beautiful or more comfortable than what our Father has prepared for his children here on this earth? It will be just as tangible to us in its state of perfection as it is to us now.

It is through the labors of the saints that a great deal of the earth’s curse will be removed. It is through their faithfulness, diligence, and obedience in following the instructions of God’s servants that he has placed here to receive His word for us, that sin, with all its effects, will be overcome. We will be just as capable of enjoying all the earth affords in its purity as we now can enjoy a large juicy peach. We can now discern the difference between a large sweet juicy strawberry and a small hard sour one. We would naturally prefer the best, and enjoy it accordingly. Now if cultivation can do so much for some things, what might be done for the whole world with labor in the right manner?

When I speak of being satisfied with the good of this world, I do not mean the corruptions and fading glories of this world. I mean the earth in its pure state, those pleasures that none will possess but the righteous. This is what I wish to enjoy, the earth and its blessings in its perfect state.

June 17^th – The Gospel of Christ is the most liberal of anything in the world; it provides for the happiness of every being. God created our souls and bodies, and He made us well and gave us no superfluities. Happiness is what He designs for all His creatures, and if we will place ourselves under His guidance, He will lead us on from step to step, from one grade to another, until we obtain perfect bliss. We must be patient. We cannot expect these things until we are of perfect stature as of Christ Jesus. Then we will be prepared to enjoy pleasures and happiness completely. It the meantime we must be restricted and governed by such laws as God in His wisdom sees we need, and if we are observant, those laws will promote our happiness and prove our salvation. A wise parent will not give a child a razor to injure or destroy itself with, although it is a very useful article in the hands of one that knows how to use it. We are nothing but children compared to our Heavenly Father, and if left to follow our own inclinations, we would be as apt to bring about our destruction as to secure our happiness.

I must differ with “Critic” in the Exponent. Mabel is right in my estimation. There are some things that annoy that it is necessary to endure for the time bing. Boys can, and sometimes do, make themselves complete nuisances and should not be encouraged in coveting their neighbor’s flowers or fruit. They can be taught to appreciate the beauties of nature and keep hands off too. Boys can be taught politeness (none are too poor that they can’t learn that). Bees are not to be governed like boys, but there are laws whereby they are controlled. Let no one be annoyed when it can be avoided. It is easy to talk or write like “Critic.” It looks beautiful on paper, but facts are stubborn things and but few people have as much saintism when the case is brought home to them as they can have in their imaginations. Something to suit real life is what we want. High flown words and lofty sentiment will do to read, but to like it is another thing. Let everybody’s rights be respected, let boys be tough, and bees be made to keep their place, not force people to unnecessarily bear with their brakes (?) because they are innocent and useful. Nothing should be suffered to become a nuisance, none should be allowed, justly, to complain of nuisances. Let all be considerate, and such troubles will cease.

July 13^th – I thank God my Heavenly Father for His goodness and great mercies, for His long suffering and loving kindness. How little do we, as his creatures, realize his condescension and our utter dependence on Him. If we could understand our relationship with the great God, and that He is our Father in the most correct sense of the word, and that He looks after our welfare, more than it is possible for an earthly parent to do, how different would be our acts. How grateful we would feel, how energetic and diligent would we be, but this we cannot know until our minds expand, and our capacities are enlarged. Then we may begin to learn something of His goodness and greatness, His knowledge and wisdom, in bringing forth intelligences out of chaos or unorganized matter and preparing them to be exalted and dwell in eternal happiness.

Retrenchment seems to be the order of the day and the subject has not been brought into notice any too soon. It is high time that people begin to examine their habits and customs and dispense with all superfluities, and rectify all follies and let common sense take the place of ignorance and bad habits. I do not know of any one thing that needs pulling to pieces and making over again more than our present mode of spelling. I am safe in saying that not one word in all the English language is spelt correctly. What we are aiming at is to progress in truth and righteousness, and to do that we must start right and do away with error wherever we find it, although it may seem of but little importance, yet it helps to make up a whole. We are all interested, or should be, in this matter. It is much better to teach our children truths, and have them form habits that are sensible and correct, than to erase from the mind false notions and prejudices than it is to learn it in the first place. So you see the importance of making first impressions correct.

As to the subject of spelling, all will agree with me that there is great need of reforming our present system of spelling. In the first place, we want an alphabet with all the different sounds used in the words belonging to our language. But as it is, some have to do duty for two or more sounds, while others that should have no place in any words take a prominent part in spelling. Therefore, it will be necessary to discard some letters and substitute others. There should be a uniformity of sound in naming the consonants, instead of de, be, el, em, ar, and so on, they should be governed by one sound. I would propose that ub, ud, un, um, ul, ube, would be superfluity of sound and should be dispensed with. The letters to be discarded are c, x, y, w, q, and those substituted ush, uth, wth, and perhaps others. Where we now use h we should use uh. W is a combination of several sounds or letters, consequently it is a word and no word should be used in spelling. should be used in its place as ooel. Y is the union of two sounds and e should be used in its stead as eet (yet). C has both the sound of k and s which is needless. Each sound should be represented by a separate and distinct character, and that should mean the same thing wherever it is, and nothing else.

In this way there need be no trouble in knowing how a word is pronounced when you see it spelled, or no trouble in spelling a word when you hear it, or separate it when you hear it spoken.

To spell a word is to analyze it or separate the sounds and speak them slowly instead of quickly, as is done in pronouncing. As, ub, e, ud, bed uch, s, ur, chair, us, ut, o, stove, , o, ul wool, there should be two oos in spelling wool or it would be ool. It would also be necessary to have for vowels every sound that can be made by the human voice. Yu, is not correct. It should be u—there is just as much consistency in saying ya, ye, yo, as yu. It should not be possible to spell a letter—we cannot spell the letter a nor e—neither should we be able to spell any other letter. They are but one sound beyond the breath, incapable of being spelled. Words are to be spelled with letters, not letters with words. The following are the letters that should be used—they are the exact sounds needed in our language: ub, ul, uf, ug, uj, uk, ul, um, un, up, ur, us, ut, uv, uz, uth, ush, uch, wh, a, ah, aw, ak, e, eh, i, ih, o, , ow. . .

We might as well say bootjack or war as to w, a, r, war. There is just as much sense in it. Or we might teach a child to make bread, telling it to take one quart of sand, one tablespoonful of mustard, one teaspoonful of coal oil and half a pint of dried peas. This comes as near making bread as the letters we put together do of spelling the words we desire. There are many words that are spelled with letters that have not one sound of the word they are in, and this is worse than folly.

It is ridiculous and we as saints, professing to have the light of the Holy Spirit, should lead out and set the pattern by adopting those things that are sensible and consistent with the truth and not cling to bad habits because they are old and time worn and become second nature to us from long use. It is true in many cases that “truth is stranger than fiction,” but however strange, we, having the light of the gospel, ought to be able to discern the difference between truth and error. The plain simple truth is that we want truth in its purity and with all its comeliness, for such it is to those who understand it, it is all that is desirable and all that is worth seeking for or cherishing. It’s all that will ever benefit us hereafter. From habit many cherish false notions that have become so dear to them that they think they cannot part with them, but cling to them as they would to a decaying tooth.

It behooves us as Latter-Day-Saints to receive the truth when it is given us and cherish it as a precious gift from our Father, and thank Him for light to discern between truth and error. I think I have said sufficient for the present. I long to see an improvement in spelling, so that a person need not spend a lifetime in learning the art, and then not be able to spell one half the words we use. We should have a perfect system for spelling as well as in other things, our time is precious and should not be spent foolishly.

July 15^th – The Gospel of Christ is the most liberal of anything in the world. It provides for the happiness of every being. God organized our spirits, and fashioned our bodies, and as one writer has said, “God made man well, giving him no superfluities, and if man was to be made over again, he would be made the same. Happiness is what God designs for all His creatures, and the gospel is what will give it to them, but mankind is so ignorant and short-sighted, they cannot trust their maker, so He places them in positions suiting their capacity and requires them to observe certain laws and curtail their liberties, to a certain degree, until their minds shall develop and grow in knowledge and wisdom, when they will be able to appreciate blessings and not abuse those precious gifts God has in store for all that are worthy, and have been proven competent and trustworthy to receive them. Our Father withholds His most precious things, in mercy, because of ignorance, knowing they would prove our destruction as a child handling a dangerous weapon, not knowing its danger, it would destroy itself. So we see the necessity of seeking knowledge first before we try to handle those things that are forbidden at the present time. Be patient and faithful and all will be well. Be not over anxious and everything will be added in its time and season. Do what is required, keep pure and unspotted, and happiness and glory are sure.

(Extract of a letter from Joseph Smith) “And shall Missouri, filled with Negroes driven and white men stealers, go unwhipped of justice, for tenfold greater sins than France? No! Verily, no! While I have powers of body and mind; while water runs and grass grows; while virtue is lovely and vice hateful; and while a stone points out a sacred spot where a fragment of American liberty once was; I or my posterity will plead the cause of injured innocents, until Missouri makes atonement for all her sins—or sinks disgraced, degraded and damned to hell—where the worm dieth not and the fire is not quenched.” And closed with “ . . .to this sublime idea that Congress, with the President as executor, is as almighty in its sphere as Jehovah is in His. With great respect,” Joseph Smith.

July 30^th – In reading the Juvenile Instructor (magazine), I am impressed with the words of “Editorial Thought.” They are words of truth and ought to be considered and observed. People need not expect to impress upon the minds of their children principles which they do not practice themselves. They should set an example before them worthy of imitation. Such teachings are more powerful than all their precepts. Yet both together are better. Sunday School teachers should be careful how they present themselves before the children. When my children were small, they did not like to go to Sunday School because their teacher’s breath smelled so strong of whiskey and tobacco, it made them sick. Such things should not be, they are a disgrace to any community, much more to a people professing to have the light of the Gospel. They are an abomination in the sight of Heaven. The idea of subjecting our pure and innocent children to being taught by men that indulge in such habits that are so disgusting and offensive to a pure person.

A short time ago while riding in the street car, seated by one of our Mormon elders, the fumes from his breath were so offensive I had to turn my head away. Now how do the angels look upon such things. Are they not more repulsive than extravagance in dress? Is it not more necessary to reform the men than the woman? I thought, as I was riding along, that I would much rather sit by a clean woman, although she might be overdressed, and I think the angels would feel the same. Now I do not mean to uphold extravagance in dress by any means. I think it an evil that should be reformed, but it is not so disgusting as the evil I have been speaking of. It does not contaminate the atmosphere and breed sickness and death to all it approaches. My advice to such is: keep your distance and I am sure that God and His spirit will not trouble you with their presence.

August 1^st – I had a nice ride with Len Hardy. He came to take Mamie, but as she and Josephine were over to the lake with Morris and Eli, he very kindly asked me to go. I availed myself of the invitation and enjoyed it much. I have thought for sometime that riding would be beneficial to my health.

August 3^rd – Some of the proceedings of our last meeting have caused me to reflect more or less on the way we estimate the offerings brought to our society, especially labor. I think I see a fault which I will try to point out. We do not credit knitting according to its worth, but according to the worth of the socks. Now is not one woman’s time worth as much as another’s? If one woman spends one day at faithful knitting, is not she entitled to the same credit, in the sight of Heaven, as the woman that sews and works no harder. We would not expect that she would work for less than one dollar or one and a half per day. Now is this justice while the knitter receives credit for not more than half price. I think that all will acknowledge that knitting by hand is worth much more than the socks are themselves. Then why not give credit accordingly. It does not injure the society, but swells the account of receipts. I hope the Lord will record it in Heaven, but if he does and we do not, how will our books compare with His? I think there would be a deficiency in ours.

Societies were organized according to the laws of Heaven, and in doing business, we should be just and exact. How often do we hear in our meetings, “This is not worth much, throw it in.” Do we not throw in all that we give, do we receive any remuneration, credit is all we get. Then why not give credit for full value as it takes nothing from the society, it cannot injure it.

If not crediting small things instead of throwing them in, they are thrown away—there are loose ends. There are fragments that we lose. The Savior said to His deciples “Gather up the fragments that nothing be lost,” and it is a mistaken idea that we are going to benefit the society by crediting at a low figure. Of course, we should not go beyond the mark either. It is the same in making quilts. The labor necessary in making quilts far exceeds the worth of the quilt, but is the worth of the labor any less on that account? We can credit the work according to the time faithfully spent, but in handing them out it would be necessary to make a discount, but let it be made by the society, and a record be kept showing how much and where it comes in. If we cannot do this, let us not require the sisters to do this kind of work. Let us do that which is more profitable, but since the quilts are needed, and the socks are needed, and as we have no knitting machine, we will have to get them knit by hand. Then if it is necessary to have it done, let them have credit for their time, the customary price for a woman’s labor.

Now it would be on my mind to place the subjects before the sisters for their consideration. I do not know how these things are managed in other societies, but it is for us when we see a fault to rectify it and do all our business in an upright and tidy manner. I blame no one—it has been an oversight. We cannot expect to learn all at once, but little by little.

Aug. 12^th – As it regards the sisters of the ward that have interest and have entered their names as members of the society, and their only offence is now attendance, my feelings are to bear with them. We, as mothers, know how difficult it is to leave a family of small children and set aside home duties having no one to help bear the burden, or lighten their labors. Our sisters may be good women but fail to see the necessity of neglecting one duty to perform another; neither do I see it. Our first duties are at home, and should be attended to first.

I realize that a woman’s burden is great, but those who never had any experience are apt to think it light. But all that have had the practical point of woman’s life as mothers will bear me out in my assertion. Our strength lies in our weakness. Our labors cannot be dispensed with, although the work of our hands do not show to very great advantage. To woman is given one of the greatest missions in life; to bring forth, and rear mankind. How much depends upon the wisdom and faithfulness of women.

Let us feel for them as mothers and draw them as mothers with the cords of sympathy, and extend the hands of charity, overlooking faults as only mothers can do, keeping our own weak and feeble natures in view and our dependence upon God for charity and forbearance. The organization of the Relief Societies are for a purpose; not merely to feed and clothe the poor, but to administer to the mind. It is our business to strengthen and cheer and instruct. And we will continue to invite and call their names unless they desire to be dropped. Now in all our doings, we have a duty to perform toward ourselves. We should try to help the sister in meeting, and be united in sustaining our president and make our meetings interesting.

Sun. Aug. 19^th – . . . (so and so) complained of conduct while coming from the lake the evening before, also of the color of her bathing suit, it being red. I have made some inquiries and find it is very much exaggerated, she did nothing but what would be thought well enough of in anybody else. There seems to be an evil influence to bring her into trouble, both in the church and out, and some who profess friendship are her worst enemies.

August 21^st – I have found out who informed Hyrum about the girls Saturday. Their only wrong was in suffering themselves to be drawn into bad company. M felt a spite toward Mamie for resenting his improper conduct toward herself, and magnified and exaggerated matters to their injury. Now it makes me think of a little story. A young lady unwillingly got into a quicksand swamp and was sinking fast when one of her pious friends came along. Upon seeing her, he began to holler and was seemingly in great distress, all which caused her to sink faster. Soon a stranger passed by and on taking in her situation at a glance, he quietly put forth his hand and rescued her. Now, I would ask, which of those men manifested the most brotherly and godlike spirit?

Some seem to think that the more ado they make over a wrong committed by another, the more commendable they are, although they do not extend a helping hand. They are too righteous, in their own estimation, to come in contact with guilt, even in appearances, and save a human soul. It would reflect upon their immaculate self. It would be well to remember that a sin confessed is half atoned for, and I might say quite atoned for, unless it be a very heavy one. Our Savior does not despise the repentant sinner. He can condescend to take them by the hand and help them in their weakness. If we could only see and acknowledge our own folly, we would have more charity for others. We should pull the beam out of our own eyes before we attempt to take the mote out of the eye of our brothers. Our sight should be very good before we meddle with another’s eyes.

I will retell a little story, a true one. Some thirty-five years ago there lived at a nobleman’s house several young men and girls. They had some pleasant times sleigh riding and in various other ways. Among them were two orphan girls who came to live there after their father’s death. For some cause or other, a jealous or spiteful feeling arose toward those two girls. So the others sought to slight them, and instead of making them part of the party that were going to take a sleigh ride, they went off without them. When one of them happened to go into the room where the lord of the mansion was sitting conversing with a strange gentleman, he was surprised that she had not gone. Said he, “I thought you had gone with the young folks riding. Did you not want to go?” And after asking a few questions, he saw how matters stood. After saying some good words in their praise, he told a young man that had not gone with the party to get his favorite horse and cutter, and took them out. They felt very grateful for his kindness, and did not care much for the slight put upon them since they had found a friend in such a good man (for he was good as well as noble). But he died a short time after and those girls lost a friend that was never made up to them in later life. The treatment they received at that time from their friend, was only a foretaste of what they have had, more or less all their lives, and they sometimes wonder if they ever shall find a true friend with a disposition and the power to lift them out of their sorrow. There are few if any such men on this earth, as the friend they lost. He was great, good and kind, and loved by all good people. He was a friend of the innocent and oppressed, he was a father to the orphans and a blessing to all mankind. Who knows but what this little incident is emblematical of this world; and if we are faithful, when we pass behind the veil, we will meet with a recompense for all our sorrows.

Aug. 26^th – Last night, just after Mamie and Josephine had returned from the theater, one of the hospital roughs strayed into our yard and insisted on looking for his cow on our porch. Bert had accompanied the girls home and had not yet returned, and did not wish to leave him here, so he tried to prevail on him to leave. But the drunkard thought he knew his own business and chose to remain. Bert had quite a time before he got him out of the yard. The rough gave him a black eye in the tussle, he was so stubborn, we were afraid Bert might get badly hurt, so Mamie and I ran over to Kingwood’s after him (a policeman), but he was not at home. Bert had succeeded with the help of a man passing to get him into the hospital gate, and left him. The girls were so frightened that we prevailed on Bert to remain all night. The Sisters of Charity keep a rough looking set around them. Some of them are very impudent sometimes. It is not pleasant to live near such a place. I think it is a rendezvous for all the mean trash in the territory, and I wonder that we are not more frightened than we are. It certainly is not safe for women alone to be so near so many rascals.

Aug. 27^th – I spent most of yesterday reading P.P. Pratt’s’s autobiography, and finished it this morning. I spent considerable time in weeping over his hard life. He was truly one of God’s chosen ones. I look upon such men as more than mortal, although they are confined in mortal tabernacles for a wise purpose. They are those servants spoken of in the parable, when the Lord of the vineyard called upon certain ones to go down with him, and labor with him in his vineyard. They truly are not of this world, but lent here to labor and save the fruit of this earth.

Many incidents Dr. Pratt speaks of (although I was a child), I well remember from the time we went to Jackson County, and Clay Caldwell, and from that time till his death. Those things connected with the body of the Church; I have witnessed with my own eyes and heard spoken of at the time. Many of them I have experienced myself, being with and identified with this church since I was seven years old; almost from its commencement.

Aug. 28^th – About nine o’clock, word was brought that Bro. Young was very sick, and it was hardly expected that he would live. I and my family went down to see him and stayed till twelve o’clock when he seemed a little better, and receiving a hint to go home, I left, also Mamie and Josephine. I sincerely hope he will get well. He has the faith and prayers of all the saints. Some of the family friends invited the family (for nearly all were present) into the parlor to unite in prayer. Brother Wells prayed, then Bro. L. Young, then Bro. Cannon. Brigie Jr. spoke to the effect that his father had been healed by the power of God before, more than once, and he had great faith that he would again be healed. I think the object in going into the parlor was more to vacate the rooms of anxious waiting friends than it was to pray. He, Bro. Young, had all the care it was possible to bestow on anyone. His friends seemed with each other to do something for him. He was kept in constant motion, rolling back and forth to keep breath in his body, and a continual fanning.

Aug. 29^th – “There is crepe on the door” and sorrow within. Early in the morning, I and my family were sent for to be at the Lion House at 9 o’clock to pray as Bro. Young was failing. I came home in the afternoon. About 3 o’clock I was sent for again as Bro. Young was dying.

His spirit passed away one minute past four. We all knelt down and Bro. Cannon prayed. I never experienced more solemnity. It was an expression of each heart, without words, we bow and submit to Thy will, O Lord. Although sobbing was heard, it did not disturb the halo that pervaded the room. We retired to the parlor, and I felt that silence was sweet. When anyone spoke the sound seemed to grate on my ears, and when I heard a step approaching, my heart exclaimed, don’t speak. I dreaded to have the spell broken or the sweet peaceful influence that filled the air disturbed.

How often it is the case that when a friend dies, if they ever had a weakness, or imperfection, it seems to exist no longer. And in reality they do not exist when they lay off their earthly tabernacle, with it they lay off every infirmity that their body is heir to, and they stand forth in all their purity and greatness, and although our eyes do not behold them, we feel a sense of their worth, not understanding why it is so. When souls pass away, as Bro. Young has, and leaves a record of faithfulness to fill up his existence in this life, there is more cause for joy than sorrow. It is natural that we should mourn the separation, we are apt to feel our loneliness and a lack of something that will remain the rest of our lives. I believe Bro. Young has done his whole duty toward Joseph Smith’s family. They have sometimes felt that their lot was hard but no blame or censure rests upon him. And I feel grateful to him and bless his name forever. I know he was a good and great man, one raised up by the Almighty, one that will be exalted in the kingdom of God, whilst his enemies and persecutors will sink to hell. I hope the saints will appreciate his works and carry out his wishes, for all his teachings were for the benefit of this people. And now he has left us, may we be more careful in speaking and doing, and more quick to receive the instructions he gave us whilst he remained with us.

I think there were but two of the friends attending that bedside during his sickness that felt any faith that he would recover. I think that people sometimes mistake blindness for faith, and willful blindness is inexcusable. A great many people do not know what faith is. According to my understanding, it is a foreknowledge, or an assurance, of things hoped for. Now when we have an assurance, it is something more than belief. There is a power that will accomplish when we know the exact work to unite with our faith. The Savior spoke of it when he said, “Faith as a grain of mustard would remove mountains.” Now it is a mistaken idea that faith alone will accomplish anything. “Faith without works is dead.” I have often heard it said, “Nothing but faith can heal him now, hold on to faith.” We had better get it first—if we have faith we know it, we feel its power, and all hell can’t stand before it. Faith is facts not demonstrated—we often say we know when it is only faith. This is when many are deceived. They cannot discern between the two.

Sept. 2^nd – Sunday . . the day has passed. One long to be remembered. The remains of Bro. Young laid at rest in a nice, clean, peaceful place. He has finished his work, and may he rest for a season. All was done by his friends that could be done; and I believe he is satisfied. Now it remains with us to prepare ourselves to meet him and the heavenly hosts. This should be the work of the remainder of our lives, then joy will be our reward.

Bro. Young, as he lay in his roomy coffin, looked so peaceful, so comfortable, that it seems as if none should mourn, but rather rejoice. But not as the world would, for they have not the light of the Gospel, which brings the true peace and joy that they know not of.

Sept. 7^th – As Benjamin Franklin battled the lightning, so I will have to bottle my thoughts by writing them down, for when I stand up to speak, they fly away like so many frightened birds, and I will have to use pen, ink, and paper as a trap to hold them until they can be used, for I do not intend to be baffled in the discharge of my duties, which the adversary is trying hard to do. I am determined to move forward in the cause of righteousness though all hell oppose me; and all my powers of body and mind shall be spent in the interest of the Kingdom of God. That shall be my life, my existence; I want nothing outside of it. Truth, as it exists with the Gods, is what my soul craves.

Sept 9^th – Went to meeting. Bros. Franklin Richards and Erastus Snow spoke. The tabernacle is draped the same as it was the Sunday before, and two vases of flowers set before the brethren’s seats. The thought of not seeing him in his seat anymore was calculated to make us feel lonesome as, no doubt, many did.

Sept. 11^th – Last evening I received a letter and two papers from Carlos. By reading the comments of the papers on Mormonism, it is evident that there is nothing in common between this people and the world. They uncharitably criticize us, our sorrows they ridicule, they mock our tears, they censure everything a Mormon does. What would merit praise in the world is despicable in a Mormon. They make light of the most sacred things, they even resort to black guardism and venom. And the name of the Lord is had in derision. But they will get their deserts in due time.

Sept. 19^th – Emily’s little Alice is very sick. We think her recovery is doubtful. Sister Zina came up to stay all night. In the course of conversation I mentioned some of my ideas on the origin of man.

21^st – Alice is decidedly better—we entertain great hopes of her getting well. If she does, it will be the Lord’s work and to Him be all the glory.

23^rd – Motion is a principle of life. Let motion cease and death will soon ensue. We see that law carried out in all nature. The air we breath is stagnant and corrupt, when motion ceases the water becomes impure, the blood in our bodies becomes putrid when its circulation is stopped and our bodies die, and even this earth would fly to pieces if its motion was stopped. Everything in nature moves. Vegetation is continually waving from the effects of the moving atmosphere, and nothing in life, can be found that is exempt from the laws of motion.

24^th – Brother Rossiter called to ask me if I would join the family in keeping Bro. Young’s horses and carriages. I gladly assented. I would be very sorry to have them go into the hands of anybody else. Anything that has been associated with him in his life I do not want sold.

28^th – Brigham Jr. called to see if I would give my name as bond or as security, I hardly know what. I am willing to do anything I can to promote the welfare of the whole. I see by what he said that there are going to be feelings both with the Executors and some of the family on account of not understanding the business.

I wish we could all understand what is wanted of us, so that hard feelings would not have a chance to creep in among us. It is my wish that Bro. Young’s wishes be carried out to the letter, and I would do all that he would have me do if he was here; he has been generous in making no difference in his family. The proxy wives are remembered in his will the same as the others. He has shown himself to the last the noble man he is, and may he never have cause to complain of any of his family.

Will Rossiter and Bob Anderson took an inventory of my household goods. It was an unpleasant duty to perform both for me and the gentlemen.

29^th – Ellen Anderson stole Kate Piper’s pocketbook while in the store, and laid it on to Lulu Clawson, who happened to be in the store at the same time. It was necessary for her mother to take her to the judge’s office, where she was soon cleared of the charge, and the pocketbook found and the guilt placed where it belonged. Lulu, poor child, nearly cried her eyes out. The guilty girl was fourteen years old, and this was not her first offence. I hope the lesson will do her good.

Oct. 3^rd – Not very well. In the afternoon my sister Eliza and her son, Platte, arrived from Oak Creek.

6^th – Am not able to attend conference.

7^th – Some careless words of Platte made his mother and me feel very bad for a little while. She has had a deal of trouble and is nearly broke down, and can’t stand much. If children could know how their idle words sometimes pierce the hearts of their mothers, they would be more careful how they speak. A mother is not apt to be appreciated until she has passed away. Nobody is like a mother. The name implies pure love, disinterested affection, and all that is good.

8^th – Mamie and Josephine received from the Executers $25.00 apiece.

9^th – My health is getting better. My sister Eliza and her son Platt started home. The weather is pleasant and may it continue until they get home.

13^th – Mamie’s birthday, twenty years old. I wish I had something to make her a present. I would like to give my children something on their birthdays as long as I live.

14^th – I think it was yesterday I sent for $25.00 and received it. I have had three rides in the red carriage.

Nov. 8^th – Received from the estate $50.00. Went down and arranged for sending Carlos’s clothes. Hyrum C. packed them and sent them off to Troy. I thanked him very much. I hope I shall never forget any favor I may receive from anyone.

9^th – I took Sister Amanda Smith and Mary Slack for a ride in the President’s carriage. I do not wish to ride in it very often as it gives me unpleasant feelings for some cause.

The widow’s mite was just as acceptable and counted for as much with the Savior as the rich man’s gift.

We all have our share of the burdens to bear. And it is for us to advance as we see the way clear.

In looking at a picture with an obscure light we are enabled to see all the outlines and tell what it means; but when we come to look at it with more light we see many beauties that were not discernable before.

We believe that man possesses a variety of attributes; but how he obtains them or what is their origin, none, as yet, have been able to tell. It is certain that everything has an origin and is practically produced from matter that is eternal, but how it is produced is a mystery to mankind, and always will be until God reveals it in his own time. The origin of man or of the Soul of man has been too deep to fathom.

Oxygen is a life giving property; and I think is the origin of all intelligence; and the process of bringing it to a state of perfection, God alone knows. His plans are perfect, and his systems are without fault.

We see in the world a great variety of animals possessing a portion of intelligence pure as the elements they sprang from; each specie possessing peculiar characteristics; or an attribute in a state of progression; or preparing to take part in the great organization of a human soul. This Theory is hard to believe by the majority of the world, for the reason that “truth is stranger than fiction.” Scientists have discovered many great truths, and have searched into the depths of nature, but have never been able to trace the origin of the mind.

Philosophers say that water is composed of animalcules. Full of life and activity. Now if we had power to see, I think we would behold the same in the atmosphere; different grades of life, continually changing and all progressing after God’s own plan. First gases, air and water, then the vegetable kingdom or sea weed, then the animal kingdom to which man belongs, doing the work allotted to each sphere as they pass through it making up that beautiful variety so much admired, yet all progressing toward the same end, or rather in the same channel.

Where there is life there is intelligence. The air gases produce both animate and inanimate. The mind consists of different attributes placed in perfect order in the head, and the body is arranged with a complete network of nerves so that the electricity produced by the food and drink that we take into the stomach, and the air we breathe supplies the brain with sustenance and produces a willing agent to send to every part of the body, so the prick of a pin cannot go unnoticed. There is perfect union between the nervous and the vascular system. The mind ruling the whole. There is something in the organization of the human body similar to the body of the church, the priesthood is the brain of the church, as the mind is of the body. And there must be a ruling power even among the attributes of the mind keeping their subordinate in subjection. All are good and useful in their place. The evils that arise are in consequence of letting these subordinates get the upper hand. There are some things that are open to my mind that I do not deem wisdom to write at the present time, but may some time in the future.

13^th – The young ladies society of the 12^th Ward was re-organized.

20^th – Brother Cushion came in and said I was wanted at the Lion House parlor at two o’clock punctual, as there was some important business to be attended to. I accordingly went and spent the whole afternoon, but none of the executors made their appearance. I believe it was necessary for the mothers to choose men to revalue the deeded property. As far as I heard them express themselves, they were of the mind to retain the appraisers appointed by the Court.

Dec. 2^nd – Len Hardy brought Bro. Symons in and they, together, administered to me. Symons is a strong man—I hardly know what to make of him, but fear he will not always remain in the church. This morning I left off my tea, I will try, I will try once more to keep the Word of Wisdom.

8^th – I sent a note to the executors asking for some means for Christmas and New Years. Josephine handed it to Bro. Carrington, he refused to take it. The executors treat the heirs as if they were poison. I don’t think I will ask them for anything more if I can help it. It is worse now to get anything than it used to be and it was bad enough then to suit me. I wish I had some way to get along without going to them and drawing from the estate.

10^th – Took my first article to the Exponent office with the Alphabet. I do not know how it will bake with the people, but expect it will meet with opposition, if it is noticed at all. But however it may be received, I feel a clear conscience in knowing that I have done my duty. The next Thursday I went to the office and read the proof sheet. But when the paper came out my piece was not in it. Now why it was taken out after it was in type I cannot imagine.

18^th – Mamie called on B. to get an answer to the note I had sent him a short time before, but he would giver her no answer, and treated her rather impolite.

19^th – William Rossiter brought me an order on John Hoslum store for thirty dollars, a part of what I asked for in my note.

21^st – Mamie and Josephine called on B. again to see if he could let me have something on the co-op, what I had asked for before. He seemed quite put out and treated them very unkindly, but B. Cannon was a little more pleasant. Bro. Carrington has treated us very unkind, he smites the girls whenever they have been to him and I guess he serves all the same way. I think if the executors would make some provision for the family it would be pleasanter for both parties. It seems they ought to give us something for Christmas.

22^nd – Attended the women suffrage meeting in the 14^th Ward. Some very good instruction was given.

24^th – H. B. Clawson went to the Executors in my interest but accomplished nothing.

25^th – It is Christmas today. It began to snow this morning and everything begins to look white as it should at Christmas. We have all got some presents, and Emily’s children have an abundance. A Christmas tree loaded with nice presents, besides several that are too large to hang on the tree, and lay under it.

I had nothing to get anything with, so did not give any presents; but hope I will have a chance to make it up to my children. I did want to sent Carl something as he is so far away, and it is good to be remembered by absent friends; but I think it is useless to ask the Executors for anything more. It is the same thing over again, some having an abundance and others must be scrimped, all in one family.

26^th – Christmas passed very pleasantly after all. Emily and the girls, Mamie and Josephine, had three or four of their friends to dinner. All seemed to enjoy themselves first rate. E and C gave me a pair of onyx earrings, and Josephine gave me a pair of pictures, Cupid and N. We wanted to have Carl here to complete our enjoyment.

29^th – Went sleigh riding in the President’s sleigh.

31^st – Received two nice books from Carlos.

Jan. 1^st, 1878 – Expect nothing but to stay at home in my loneliness. Too old for enjoyment. Emily has gone sleight riding with Hyrum.

3^rd – Attended our Relief Society meeting—just before we commenced the Bishop and first counselor came in. After we had gotten through with the business of the meeting, Bishop Piper arose and said he came in to say a few words to the sisters in behalf of the trustees of the school house. They wanted to manage the affairs of the house and he would be glad if the sisters would please not interfere. He repeated it the same several times in the course of his remarks, and wound up by saying he was too mad to talk and sat down. Now I was not a bit pleased with his remarks, because I did not think the sisters merited the rebuke. All they have done in that direction was because the bishop told our president, Sister Staines, he would throw that job out on to the sisters. My heart rebelled at it as soon as I heard of it, and I think the rest of the sisters felt the same.

Then to have him say, or intimate, that we were meddling with his affairs, I thought it an insult, and more so coming from him.

Why cannot our rulers be kind and considerate to the members of the ward? It seems that some men think because we are women that they are justified in kicking us right and left. We don’t want to interfere with his business. We have enough to do of our own and we would rather have our labors lightened than to have more laid upon us. Yet we are willing to do all we can in preparing the duties of the ward that belong to us as members of the Relief Society. I came home from meeting with a severe headache.

6^th – We are having very cold weather. Tolerable sleighing. It looks rather bad for men that have been with President Young for thirty or forty years, sustaining him and endorsing publically all his acts and teachings in his life, and preaching his principles and carrying out his precepts and acknowledging his superior authority. As soon as he is dead to seek to bring accusations against him, and imply in actions as well as in word, that he is guilty of embezzling from the Church one million dollars.

It may be best that the church have the property but I would rather they would take it on some other pretext than fraud on his part. I do not believe him guilty. It is a plot of some of his bosom friends to cast a foul blot on his honored name, and it will yet be proven against them and the evil they have sought to bring upon his name will fall upon their own heads. If I could believe him guilty I could have no confidence in the Twelve, or any other mortal. They offer to give the heirs an indemnifying bond, but of what use would that be if they don’t know whether it is right.

7^th – Did not sleep much last night for thinking, consequently do not feel very well today. Do not feel clear in my mind, what I shall do if I am called upon to do anything. About noon today Artie and Alphalus called to get my signature to a power of attorney, to be placed in the hands of William and Young lawyers, authorizing them to place an injunction on the property of the B.Y. estate. They told their story but I wished to hear both sides before I do anything of so great importance. So I held to my resolution, to not rush blindly but wait till the spirit of the Lord shows me my course plain. This I believe to be everyone’s privilege. I told E. to do as she felt. She signed the papers, Carlie’s name was there. After the boys were gone the clouds began to clear away from my mind, and I saw it was the safest plan to not oppose the Priesthood. I told E. I was sorry she had signed her name and she was sorry too. She put on her things and went right down to take her name off, and to get Carlie to do the same, which they both did, and I felt quite relieved. Sister Cobb came to see me to know what I had done in the matter. She felt as I did.

8^th – H.B.Clawson thinks that the boys course will have a good effect, as things begin to look more favorable.

10^th – I am sick again.

11^th – Got my Exponent, found my piece in it, also received word that the editor wished to see me. Will go down as soon as I am able.

12^th – Received a note containing an order on the Co-op for fifty dollars which came in good time as I am needing it badly . It was from the Executors.

20^th – Am feeling as well as usual again.

21^st – Went to the dentist and had two pieces of two teeth taken out. Paid 50 cents toward getting Sister E. R. Snow a birthday present. It was a book case she was pleased to be remembered.

25^th – Heard so many reports I thought it best to go to the Executors and find the truth of them. Bro. Carrington thought as some of the heirs had employed Legrand Young to see to their affairs, it would be better for the rest to do so too. I was willing to do so if they wished it. Bro. Weber and H.B. Clawson thought as Bro. Carrington did. But after I went out of the office I thought it not best to employ Legrand; consequently refused to sign the paper sent up which was the same as the boys had when they came. I called on Sister Snow, she felt as I did. I think H.B.C. is quite offended with me. E. and Cad have signed the paper over again unbeknown to me, their husbands having more influence over them than I have. Perhaps that is right. I do not wish to make discord in their families. They will learn by experience. I am willing to do all I can for my children that is reasonable and right. I have made some inquiries so as to be on the safe side.

30^th – I sent word to Bro. Hardy for council on the subject of employing Legrand. His council to me agreed with my own feelings, and that is not to sign my paper to employ a lawyer. It is his opinion that I will come out just as well as any of them if not better. I am certain of one thing, I shall have a clear conscience and that is better than all the property in the world. Sister Zina feels as I do in this matter.

Have paid the tailors of the United Order twenty-five dollars, five dollars being all the discount they will make. But I shall always feel that the superintendent has wronged me till he makes restitution. He did not keep his word; he not only charged about double what he agreed to make the ulster for, but he kept three yards of the cloth, over two dollars a yard. The ulsters were very plain, they were taken to other tailors and measured and they said there was only five yards in each. (thirteen being what we took there), and they would make them for five dollars apiece and furnish what was furnished for much less than the others charged. Mr. Goss also misrepresented us. What his object is in treating us as he has I can’t understand, it is the only time I ever had any dealing with him.

Feb. 1st – Whoever noticed when a hen hovers over her chickens when she has settled herself in her nest for the night with the little heads of her brood sticking out from her wings in every direction, that does not feel a sense of peace and trustfulness, and almost wish for some mothering wing to creep under that it might shield and protect them from the ills and dangers life has.

5^th – About half past nine o’clock this morning we received word to be at the Lion House at ten as Pres. Young’s private personal property was to be distributed among the family. We went down but through neglect or mismanagement, all were not notified, consequently several were absent. We waited for Willard to come from Ogden till noon, when business commenced. Brigham suggested that the articles be bid off. Several of the boys made remarks to the same effect. Heber said it was the only legal way of proceeding, but the wives that had no children had no right to bid. Willard was opposed to bidding, but thought it better to draw for them. After talking an hour or two without coming to any agreement, the meeting was adjourned for four weeks. My feelings are opposed to bidding, in this case, but am willing to coincide with the majority. It seems to me that bidding will cause confusion and clamor, and that I would hate to see on such an occasion. I do not like “grab game” under any circumstances, such things might do for childrens play, but is not hardly suitable for us at this time. Drawing might be conducted in a quiet and orderly manner, and without hard feelings, giving every one an equal chance. One has just as good a right as another, and should have the same chance.

Mar. 5^th – I attended the auction meeting at the “Gardo House.” The first articles presented was the jewelry—each one had the privilege of bidding till they got something, then to bid no more until all had received something. By the time they had gone around, it was noon. A committee was appointed to divide out the things in the afternoon, as it was thought best not to bid off the remainder. The meeting adjourned for one hour. In the afternoon things went a little one-sided, but would have done very well if that had been the last, but it took two days more to get through with the business. The second day, Legrand said before the family some other business pertaining to the debt of eighty thousand dollars the Estate owes the Church. He thought it would be best to pay it, although it could not be legally obtained, but if it was taken into Court the church should not have it until the last end of the cow’s tail.

Alphalus spoke very warmly and very unbecoming toward the Twelve and the Church. Oscar spoke in the same strain. Orta said he believed it was a just debt and ought to be paid, but he thought the Church ought not require the full interest. He thought Ellenbeck was dishonest and that he had worked to bring trouble on his father. No expression was taken from the meeting. Heber was drunk and made some little disturbance. But considering everything, the meeting went off as well as could be expected. If all are satisfied I am glad. It gave me very unpleasant feelings.

9^th – I feel like crying today. Have not gotten over the auction meeting. I wish there could have been some other way to dispose of those things. I seem to feel that I never will want to look at those things again.

Two or three days ago I received a letter from Sister Eliza L.—they got home safe. Carlie Lyman had been up to get married to Thomas Calister. She was married Feb. 14^th, 1878.

Extract. You may always measure the sensualibility of a man, by his disrespect for the opposite sex, and his moral purity, by his estimation of woman. This is a perfect thermometer of moral.

19^th – I and family were notified that a meeting would be held in the Lion House parlor at eleven o’clock of the Twelve, or those of the city, and the executors of the B.Y. Estate and heirs; to talk over and explain matters pertaining to the claims of the Trustee against the estate. Bro. Taylor, Pratt, Richards, Woodruff, Snow, F. Smith, and B. Young made some excellent remarks. They manifested a great deal of patience in explaining matters, and a kind feeling toward the family, anybody with the desire for the truth, would know the Twelve were men of God, and working for His interest. I felt it a great privilege to enter into their presence and shake hands with them, and hear their voices and partake of their council, and it is a source of joy that my children feel as I do. I realize that but few if any appreciate the privilege they have of mingling with such great and mighty men. I felt almost as greatly blessed as I would if I had been in a company of angels. Meeting adjourned until 10 o’clock the next day.

20^th – Attended the meeting and enjoyed it much, or the instructions of the Twelve; they spoke with mildness and with power. B. Young bore a strong testimony in favor of the proceedings of the Twelve, and I can bear my testimony by the spirit of God to the truth of their words. There seemed to be quite a dissenting spirit manifested by some of the family. Alphalus seemed most bitter in his feelings. Mahonri, Hyrum, and Oscar, did not show that respect I consider due to men holding the priesthood and in the position of the Twelve, but they were patient and condescending to the last degree. Harriett Cook attended and uttered her voice. She felt so bitter toward H. Cannon that she would not sign any paper that had his name on it. She thought that he had meddled with that, that it was none of his business in advising Pres. Young to alter his will. Oscar said it was putting forth his hand to steady the ark. A paper was drawn up showing satisfaction, by the signers, of the actions of the Twelve and executors in canceling the claims between the church and estate. There was quite a number of the family that did not sign the paper. Those that did sign, were: Mary Ann Young, Eliza R. Snow, Twis Young, Susan S., Augusta, Emily P., Margaret P., Emily Clawson, Miriam, Josephine, Luna, Fanny, John W. Young. Others will sign when they have an opportunity. I have forgot Julia, Maria, Zina, and several would not sign. The Twelve bore patiently the freaks of the boys, more so than seemed possible.

Meeting at the Lion House parlor Friday, April 19^th, 1878.

Bro. Taylor arose and stated the object of the meeting. He said there was a great many rumors afloat, and he thought a great misunderstanding existed between the Twelve and Pres. Young’s family. In consequence, they had met together to explain matters and try to come to some understanding and have good feelings if possible. He gave way for others to speak. Bro. Erastus did the most of the talking. He explained everything to the satisfaction of all who desired a correct understanding of those things pertaining to the church books, and the B.Y. Estate, or in others words, of Pres. Young’s affairs. But some did not seem to want to understand and were determined not to feel or do right.

Bro Joseph F. Smith, F. D. Richards, B. Young, W. Woodruff made some excellent remarks. The Twelve remained about four hours talking and answering questions to satisfy the boys if possible. As quite a number of the family were absent, and Alphalus, the most turbulent one, was not present, they concluded to adjourn until the next day at ten o’clock, desiring the boys present to influence Alphalus to come the next day if they could.

Meeting Saturday April 20^th, 1878. The meeting was opened by singing, “Come Let Us Anew.” Prayer by F. D. Richards. Bro. Snow arose to continue his explanations. He was frequently interrupted in a rather disrespectful manner by some of the boys. Alphalus and Mahonri showed a great deal of contempt. Alphalus warned Bro. Snow to be careful what he said, as he (Alphalus) should use his words against him in court. He considered all the Twelve said there to us was “soft soap.” Mamie felt so indignant at Alphalus she could hardly hold her peace. She said in an undertone, although loud enough for him to hear if he was a mind to “nothing could make you softer than you are.” Meaning Alphalus of course.

Mahonri said to Bro. Snow, supposing that the minors, when they became of age, should sue them for their share of the property that had been deeded over to the Church, would he give it back rather than have them to go the law? Bro. Snow could not tell what they or their successors might do. They would have to be governed by circumstances. They had principles to maintain. And Bro. Taylor as trustee had a duty to perform to the Church as well as to Pres. Young’s family. But as far as he was concerned, he would rather every dollar was in the bottom of the sea rather than to have those books dragged into court. We can understand how it is that they are in the condition that they are in, but they could not be explained to the world only in two ways, either Pres. Young had robbed the people or defrauded the government. He hoped the boys would think well on these things and withdraw their suit before it was too late. The brethren showed a great deal of forbearance. They pled and exhorted the boys to do right and shield and protect their father’s honor, and the honor of his family.

They said if these books go into the hands of the attorneys, as they would if the boys persisted in going to law, it would open a volcano and bring down such an avalanche of persecution as was never known before in this church. And shame and disgrace upon Pres. Young’s family and dishonor upon his sacred name. Harriett Cook squeaked out from one corner, “Bro. Snow, don’t you think that Bro. Cannon was very unwise in counciling Pres. Young to alter his will? I think he ought to apologize to us. I never can or never will sign any paper that has George Q. Cannon’s name on it.” Oscar thought --- was putting forth his hand to steady the ark. (I think that is the boy’s position.) Bro. Snow said he would not attempt to justify Bro. Cannon. Bro. C. was sorry and would not have done it if he had known the state of Pres. Young’s affairs. After about four hours was spent and all of the Twelve had spoken that were present, Bro. Pratt prayed and the meeting was dismissed. A paper was prepared for the family to sign, showing that we were satisfied with the Twelve. Some signed and some did not. Hyde was not willing to sign then. The suit has since been withdrawn.

May 27^th – Len Hardy asked my consent to his marrying Mamie. I, of course, gave it. The happiness of my children is first in my mind.

May 28^th – “Without intending any disrespect for young ladies, we charge against them, that they are the leaders in this matter of extravagant weddings.” This is what I read this morning in a piece called “Fashionable Weddings.” Almost every paper I take up has something to say about girls extravagance. What shall we do with our girls? The female sex in general is blamed for all the faults of society. Now I think the fault is mutual (there may be exceptions in both cases). If the females are weak and degenerate, are not the males too? A reformation with both sexes would be beneficial to society.

I cannot understand how it is that men having mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters can indulge in so much pleasure in disparaging woman. Do they not know the close relationship existing between the two sexes; that it takes both to make a whole, and if dishonor is attached to one it is attached to both? Man and woman keep pace with each other; they are of an equal balance in the scales of moral and intellectual worth, speaking of a whole. If one rises the other rises, if one falls the other falls, they are inseparable. If a man wants to disparage his own sex let him disparage woman. One writer says truly “You may always measure the sensualbility of a man by his disrespect for the opposite sex, and his moral purity, by his estimate of woman. This a perfect thermometer of moral purity.”

Women’s extravagance is a good excuse for men’s not marrying, but what about their own extravagance. I suppose all their indulgences are necessary. The gratification of all their wants and desires is not extravagance; because they hold the purse strings; they earn the money that supports the family; while the woman works all her life for the interest of her husband and family and is grudged a liberal supply of food and clothing. She must not indulge in any luxuries, that would be extravagance, and might curtail some of the husband’s pleasures; and poor man—to work so hard, and have others use his hard earnings even if it is his own family, it is heart-rendering. Does not man know that if woman was all he wishes her to be and he what he is, that he would not be a fit companion for her? She would be beyond his reach—too good for him.

The world needs regenerating. But let both sexes unite in their effort of reforming it; then we may see some good accomplishments. It is of no use for each to try to make the other reform. They must work together. Their destinies are together. The ladies do not want to outstrip the gentlemen. They should keep along by their side. Now if men will only realize that they are no more perfect than the women, and will begin to reform themselves, it will be an easy matter to bring “the girls” up to their standard of perfection. I was reading not long ago some poetry where a man portrays the virtues woman should have before he would marry. I thought, poor fool! If woman was all you require her to be, you would be alone in the world, for she would not wish to contend with a being so much her inferior. Let the work of reformation begin with both sexes, then the results will be beneficial.

Now although I differ with the writer of “Fashionable Wedding,” I do not agree with “Bachelor,” but I feel the most profound contempt for the sentiments he has advanced.

He asks, “Are there not too many children already? Is the market not already overstocked with bone and sinew that cannot be employed?” I answer, yes, if they are all like him without brains. Who with any get-up to them would ask such a question or advance such an idea with all the land laying unoccupied there is in America. The Mormons have shown what can be done with the desert land, if bone and sinew are combined with brains. I think the difficulty with the young men such as Bachelor is, they want work without labor. They want to live luxuriously without exercising the “bone and sinew” and he is too selfish to take a wife with a prospective family of ten or fifteen children. If he had such a family depending on his exertion he might find out what bone and sinew can do. But he is not worthy of a wife and should have no family. The secret is he is too selfish and lazy to accept employment or he would find something to do. But he would rather sponge his living than work for it. The idea that the world is over-peopled. Does he think this earth was made for a certain few like himself? Now I would suggest that instead of imprisoning and fining those who have families that every child legitimately born has a premium awarded, and bachelors opposed to marriage and procreation, made to pay it. If the world is over-peopled, kill off the drones as the bees do and make room for good and useful souls to dwell on the earth. When I read such articles and realize that such men have a place upon this earth, I no longer wonder the Lord has purposed to destroy the nations from off the face of the earth, and, although I pity their sufferings, my heart responds to his wise decrees.

“Stop this wholesale baby importation. They are not appreciated when they do come.” What ideas to be advanced by a rational being. Why procreation the legitimate way is the greatest work allotted to man, and none but fools would despise it. Not appreciate children! Why the earth would be hell without their innocence and purity to sweeten the bitter cup of life. I hope there are not many such creatures calling themselves men; but I fear there are too many for the good of society. Wipe them out if need be, but don’t hinder others from coming and taking tabernacles and preparing themselves for usefulness. None are truly happy but those possessing husbands and wives and children. Ane none are worthy of happiness but those who are willing to provide for a family, and contribute to the advancement of the great work of the Gods upon this earth.

June 4^th – My mother is very sick at Oak City. I would like to go and see her but I am afraid I shall not be able. She is very old and a dear good mother. We are very much annoyed with some impudent woman living at the hospital. They seem to think that anything they can do to injure a Mormon is justifiable. When we go outdoors they holler at us in a way to insult us, being perfect strangers, it is very annoying.

Can we over-do in a good cause? Can we be too energetic? Can we force matters to that degree that more evil is produced than good? Is there not as much virtue in patient waiting as in doing? Do we not often defeat our own ends by being over zealous? These questions arose in my mind in consequence to a conversation I had with a good and zealous sister. Now it seems to me that a certain amount of time is required to bring about events.

What would have been the condition of this earth if God had been over anxious to see the completion of His work, and finished it up in six of our days instead of six thousand years. It takes a certain amount of time for a cause to produce a desired effect. If we plant a seed it requires time to spring forth and produce a tree. If we are impatient and dig it up to see if it is sprouting, we hinder its advancement and perhaps destroy it altogether. So I think that we can do more injury than good many times by over anxiety ever in a good cause. In the case of bringing up children parents often destroy the good and noble attributes of their offspring by forcing them to receive that which they cannot understand. They feed them meat when they should have milk. Wisdom should be used in teaching or feeding the minds of children as well as in feeding the stomach. The mind is gradually developed year by year and should receive nourishment according to its capacity. Some seem to think the mind should be able to recover all good at once but this is a mistaken idea. The brain can be over fed; and bad effects produced, in clogging the mind. We would not think it wise to send a child to school and put it in the second reader before it had learned its letters. Wisdom is what we lack. Our desires are good but we are apt to create an iron bedstead for ourselves and wish to measure everybody both old and young by it. Now we should remember that all are not alike—some are capacitated to receive more than others. We might compare the mind to a stream of water flowing dow